For Local Musicians, Any Old Guacamole Just Won’t Do

A band’s rider can be very personal. Often, they are full of weird and shameful secrets that are better left undiscovered. But music journalism calls for breaking rules. Thanks to a few Freedom of Information Act requests, I got ahold of some actual riders belonging to actual local bands! These are all totally real and totally yummy! You won’t believe how delicious they get!


M34N STR33T’s B33Nn Broke Gu4c

5 large 4V0C4D0S (black in color, slightly soft to the press)
2 large limes, juice of
1 medium white onion (diced)
3⁄4 cup loosely packed fresh cilantro (chopped finely)
1 large tomato (Diced — make sure it isn’t overly ripe)
finely chopped fresh jalapeno
1 case of Modelo.
Serve alongside Taqueria el Rey

Universe Contest’s Winner of the best Guacamole in the Universe Contest

6 avocados — peeled, pitted, and mashed
2 lime, juiced
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup diced onion
6 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
4 roma (plum) tomatoes, diced
2 teaspoon minced garlic
2 pinch ground cayenne pepper (optional)
4-6 empty PBR’s. Hand-tossed.
Eye Glitter

photogenic quinoa

Oquoa’s Guacquoamole
1 medium-ripe avocado, halved, seeded and peeled
4-1/2 teaspoons lemon juice
2 1/2 cups quinoa
1 small tomato, seeded and finely chopped
1/4 cup finely chopped onion
1-2 spritz of water
1 tablespoon finely chopped green chilies
1 cup quinoa
1 garlic clove, minced
1/4 teaspoon salt, optional
Tortilla chips
Serve with quinoa

Organic Raw Green Avocados
Simon Joyner’s Original Guacamole

1 whole avocado.
sliced with an old rusty buck knife.
near a campfire.
at dawn.

chipotle guacamole
Orenda Fink’s Holy Holy Guacamole

2 large ripe avocados, peeled, divided
1/2 cup frozen lima beans
1/4 cup chopped red onion
3 jalapeno peppers, seeded and chopped
6 tablespoons minced fresh cilantro
1 clove garlic, minced
2 tablespoons lime juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1/8 teaspoon pepper
1 large tomato, seeded and chopped

James Made Guacamole
Icky Blossoms’ Sticky Awesome Guacamole
2 ripe avocados
1/4 cup diced red onion
5 tsp. jalapeño pepper, minced (remove seeds)
2/3 cup cooked corn
1/2 cup cherry tomatoes, quartered
2 1/2 tbs. of freshly chopped “cilantro” 😉
1 1/2 to 2 limes, juiced
1 tsp. garlic powder
1/4 tsp. salt
Prepare with bedroom eyes
Heat it up.

Twinsmith’s This Must be Guacamole

3 large jars store bought guacamole
5 bags tortilla chips
2 cases of Coor’s
5 Totino’s Party Pizzas
1988 NBA Slam Dunk Contest