by Billy DeFrain
So, cyborgs are half human and half robot. So are half cyborgs then only one-quarter robot, or only one-quarter human? What makes up the other three quarters? These are the important questions that preoccupy my mind. Also, you might not know this, but the Jean-Claude Van Damme Cyborg is essentially a He-Man adaptation.
Alestorm | Back Through Time | Napalm
If you’ve yearned for the day when someone combines metal with the melodies from pirate-themed sea chanties played on a Casio, yearn no more, for that day has come.
Atrium Animae | Dies Irae | Projekt
I truly have no idea who would sit around and listen to this, except for weird half-cyborg science monks in an crappily awesome post-apocalyptic cyperpunk movie.
Barry Manilow | 15 Minutes (FAME…Can You Take it?) | Stiletto Entertainment
It’s only $3.99 on Amazon right now, guys! Guys? Guys?
Black Veil Brides | Set the World on Fire | Universal Republic
Debauchery | Germany’s Next Death Metal | AFM
Song title sampler: “War Machines at War,” “Bloodslaughter Onslaught,” “School Shooter,” and the subtle “Genocider Overkill.”
Flat Tires | All the Right Enemies | Zodiac
Sounds like the album art looks, would make a great tattoo.
Johanthan Edwards | My Love Will Keep | Appleseed Record
Perfect for those who find James Taylor too edgy.
Lee Greenwood | 10 Great Songs | Capitol Nashville
Looking at the track list, only one of these 10 great songs was written by Greenwood, and you probably know which one it is if you ever went to summer camp.
Madeline Peyroux | Standing on the Rooftop | Decca
She did the best song from Deadwood, which was the best HBO show that wasn’t The Wire. However, that song isn’t on this album. But lucky for you, some incredibly bored person made a video for it, not with Deadwood clips, but with clips from soap operas.
Necrodeath. | The Age of Fear | Scarlet
Bit redundant, yes?
Norm MacDonald | Me Doing Stand-Up | Comedy Central Records
Second Norm reference in two weeks, and this one isn’t even a non sequitir! Click the pic to watch a clip, Comedy Central won't let us embed.
Owl City | All Things Bright and Beautiful | Universal Republic
Will be as embarrassing as emo inside five years.
Random Axe | (s/t) I Duck Down Music
I almost picked “Monster Babies” because it had a funnier name, but this is the better song.
Rockabye Baby! | Lullaby Renditions of Def Leppard | Rockabye Baby!
Actually sounds like Philip Glass if you ignore the frog croak sound effects.
Vetiver | The Errant Charm | Sub Pop
More likely to lull you asleep than the above.
Woods | Sun and Shade | Woodsist
Yelpy Indie folk.
GNO | Cannibal Tango | Sensory
The least metal album cover in the history of New Releases metal album covers.
